im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
