Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I just want nice things and good sex
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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