why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
