My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
