i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize