If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Small penises have feelings too.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
