Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
