so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Randomize
