On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
