I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
