Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
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