yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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