dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
it's like iHOP with fire
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
