If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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