I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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