Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
