Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
