Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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