you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
