Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
