In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
