So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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