I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
