I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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