In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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