I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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