I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
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