she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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