I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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