I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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