Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
