I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
