Cold hands, warm shart.
I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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