Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
