He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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