I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
