Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
