My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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