I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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