i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
