I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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