shes about as inviting as chlamydia
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
