my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Randomize
