Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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