Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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