Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
