i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize