You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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