Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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