If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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