Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
