Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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