It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
