Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
