Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
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