didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
