i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I understand Curling. That high.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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