remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
