Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize