If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Randomize
