he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
