my vag is so smooth its legendary
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
