I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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