We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Sext me about skeletons
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize