Having a random hookup so left but love u
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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