Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
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