Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
