i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
