I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
