Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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