I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
