yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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