Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
