Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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